$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
