her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
