Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
