nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
