if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
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