My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
