anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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