Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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