I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
