Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Everclear isn't food dammit
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
