no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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