he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
