he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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