oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
