i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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