At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
