update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize