What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
