It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
