We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
