Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
