I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize