turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize