I think I just saw someone hide a body.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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