I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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