I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
