Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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