I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
