My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
