just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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