Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
