coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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