Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The feeling are messing with the penis
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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