To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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