epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i've created a new STD.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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