it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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