how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
