i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She needs sedatives and a leash
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
