My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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