so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
