They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
