I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
