Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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