I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
