So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
