OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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