I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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