so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
