I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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