READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
