I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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