sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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