its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
