You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize