When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
