dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just want nice things and good sex
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
