Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
