how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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