I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
