dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
A+ Viking dick
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize