I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
