Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish i was in the wii world.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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