woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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