Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
