I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
