6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
