No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
only you would photoshop your dick
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Randomize
