I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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