After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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