Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
