Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
