that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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