The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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