I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
