Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize