Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
